Clean Humor and Jokes

Ways To Annoy People

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 

Specify that your drive through order is "to go." 

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 

Practice making fax and modem noises. 

Highlight irrelevant information on scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy." 

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 

Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 

Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 

Adjust the tint on your TV so all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 

Staple papers in the middle of the page. 

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 

Honk and wave to strangers. 

Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re- route whole streets. 

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.

When nearly done, announce, "No wait, I messed it up" and repeat. 

As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 

Ask people what gender they are 

While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down. 

Sing along at the opera. 

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 

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