Kids

A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" 

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"

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When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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Prosecutor: "Did you kill the victim?"
Defendant: "No, I did not."
Prosecutor: "Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?"
Defendant: "Yes, I do. And they're a lot better than the penalty for murder."

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THE GOLFING NUN
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 10 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. 

"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws,it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap,rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." the two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the darn putt, didn't you?"